Wife-husband jokes

1
Wife pati se boli-Dekho G Kaam karte Waqt mere ko Kiss-Wiss na kiya karo.
Tabhi Kaamwali Boli-Maidam achi Tarah se Samjha do, Mai to bol-bol ke Thak Gayi

2
At late night wife's smartphone beeps. Husband checks her mobile and gets angry.
He wakens his wife.
Husband (angrily): who is this person saying beautiful???
Surprised wife checks her mobile.
Wife (double angrily): heyyy... use your spectacles. It is not beautiful. It is battery full.

3
Wife: Dekhi na wo aadmi mujhe ghur ghur ke dekh raha hai.
Husband: Arre wo to bhangar wala ( scrap dealer ) hai, Bekar MAAL par nazar rakhana uski addat hai...........

4
Patni- Shadi K Pehle Aap Roz Gift Dete The, Par Ab Nai Dete, Kyu?
Pati- Tune Kabhi Kisi Machware
Ko Machli Pakdne K Baad Use Dana Dalte Dekha Hai

5
wife 2 husband-mujhe kahi mehngi jagah ghumane le chalo.
husband-chalo tayaar ho jao.
petrol pump chalte hain..

6
Wife-kitna pyar karte ho hame.
Husband-shahjhan jitna.
Wife-mere marne ke bad taj mahal banaoge.
Hsbnd-me plot bhi le chuka hu
pagli der to tu kar rahi he.

7
Husband:
Jab mai
tumhe chillata hu tab
tum apna gussa kispe
nikalti ho ??
.
Wife:
toilet saaf karke
.
Husband:
Hahahaha ,
bewkoof aurat vo kaise?
.
Wife:
Toilet aapke
toothbrush se saaf
karti hu.

8
Patni ka "I love you" bolne ke baad pati ka "I love you Tooooooooo" bolna utna he jaruri h
jinta "jor se bolo" ke baad "Jay maata di" bolna

9
Hubby - Mere Seene Mein Bahót Dard Hó Raha Hai,
Jaldi Se Ambulance Ke Liye Call Lagao......
Wife - Haan, Lagati Hu,
Apne Mobile/Smartphone Ka Password Bataó......
Husband - Rehne Do, Ab Thoda Theek Lag Raha Hai.

10
On Sáturday Night
Wife In very Romantic Mood:-Aaj Muje Rassi Se
Bandh Do aur Jo Karna Chaho Kár Looo januuuuu.
Páppu Ne Usay Bandha Or Dosto K Sáth
Ghoomne Chala Gayá

11
Bhákt: Guru ji, Aisi Patni ko kyá kahte hai jo..
Bahot Fair ho,
Height achhi ho,
Bahut cute ho
Nature sweet ho,
Brilliant ho,
Pati ko samjhe Aur
kabhi jhagda ná kare?
Guru ji: Mann ka Vahám kahte hain Beta, Mann ka Váham!!!

12
kal teri wife bahut jor jor se chillai kyo thi ?
mere ghar taak aawaz aaye the|
are kuch nahi yaar uska Photo facebook pe upload karne ke jagah OLX par upload ho gaya|

13
Judge - tumne apne wife ko 10 saal dra ke dhamka ke apne baas me rakha
Mujrim - esa nahi hai......
Judge - Saphai nahi tarike batoo.......tarika !!!

14
Husband ne Wife ko sms kiya:
"Dinner pe mere sath Rajiv, Sanjiv, Tanu aur Manu aa rahe hain... acha sa laziz khana bana dena dear"
Phir 10 mins ke baaf 2nd sms kia:
"Mera promotion ho gaya aur Meri salary badh gai hai, next month tumhe Diamond ki Ring la kar dunga.."
Wife ne reply kiya:
"Oh my God Really Darling" ?
Husband: "Nahi... Main Check kar raha tha mera pehla sms mila ya nhi... warna tu bolegi mujhe messages mila hi nahi.."

15
Wife 2 Husband - Sunte Ho ji..?
Mujhe Happiness ki spelling batao!!
.
.
.
Husband: Likhhh… U N M A R R I E D........Unmarried...........short

16

Wife to hubby: Darling in pictures of Shiva-Parvati, Shiva has a Trishool. In pictures of Vishnu-Lakshmi, Vishnu has Chakra in hand and pictures of Rama-Sita, Rama has bow in hand. But in case of Krishna-Radha, he has flute in hand. Why is this? Hubby: You see dear the three God’s whom you mentioned first are with the wives. That is why they have weapons. Krishna is with his girlfriend. Hence no weapons required. This shows when it comes to dealing with wives, even Gods need protection.